What You Could Never Be
by Lily1186
Summary: A new mutant comes to Xavier's school seeking help with her powers and her past. Will anyone be able to save her from self destruction?
1. Chapter 1

**What You Could Never Be**

**Disclaimer:** I do not own anything X-Men related. The only thing I do own is my own creation, Kris.

Summary: A new mutant comes to Xavier's school with a past, can anyone help her. Does she even want to be saved?

Pairings: Maybe later on.

Author's Note: Alright, for anyone who thinks this is a Mary-Sue or whatever the hell you call it, just can it. Thankfully, I have never had this much emotional turmoil in my life and hopefully never will. This character is for fun, it is not me trying to place myself in a story. That I can write for myself in my own demented little fantasy. However, that is not this fantasy. I will only say this once, if I get a Mary-Sue remark I will be extremely pissed. There, since that is out of the way I want to say that I welcome constructive criticism. I was trying to decide between first person narrative and third person narrative, so if you think it could be better in third person then tell me. Alright, on with the show then...

* * *

All I can see is the faces in my head. I don't even remember how I got here. The only thing I know for sure is that it's raining harder than I've ever felt it rain before and my side is killing me. My coat is no longer keeping out the rain because I can feel thick trails of it running down my sides, but for some reason when I pull my coat tighter it continues to slide.

I can see a light up ahead but I'm not sure where it's coming from. Hell, I don't even know where I am. I can feel my feet moving and my eyes graze over a plaque on some nearby bricks. To make sure that it's really there I run my fingers over it lightly and the raised lettering tells me that I've arrived at 'Xavier's school for Gifted Youngsters.' That's when it all comes rushing back to me.

* * *

The memory is almost enough to bring me to my knees, but something tells me that if I fell now I wouldn't be getting up again. The pain in my sides seems to be multiplying by the minute and I know now why I am here. I can vaguely hear the sound of my feet as they slide along the pathway covered in mud and stone.

When I finally reach the door I notice that the light has gone out and there is nothing to greet me but darkness. Funny, I always thought that light signified salvation. Apparently there was nothing left in me to salvage. But it doesn't matter. I'm not here for me, or at least that is what I keep telling myself. I'm only here to be punished for my actions, to learn regret. But I can already tell that these people won't understand. Not even I understand.

My hand has moved without any forethought and before I can stop it I can feel it rapping loudly against the door. Once it's done betraying me I lay it back down by my side and my eyes settle back on the light over the door. There is something strange about it. It isn't behaving like it should, that much I know. And as I stare at it a little harder I suddenly feel the shift inside me. It's like a wave is beginning to crest and my skin begins to tingle unpleasantly. My skull is filling up with noise, tiny murmurings at first and then it explodes into ear splitting screams. Nothing but faces to see and voices to hear and I can already feel my hands moving of their own volition again.

Thankfully the power becomes too much and I can feel the true darkness descending on me again like it did before I came to be here. But as my head falls back and my knees finally begin to give out I see a light and a figure that shouldn't be there. But before I can tell them that it's all a mistake, that I never should have come here, that I am far too dangerous to be around anyone at all, my voice is dead and so is the rest of my light.

* * *

My first thought when I woke up was...I wonder if they even noticed that their light is no longer there.


	2. Sleep Deprivation and Self Discovery

**What You Could Never Be**

**Disclaimer:** I still do not own anything X-Men related. It's a shame really.

Summary: Kris wakes up to find herself enrolled in Xavier's school. What will she do now that she has someplace to go?

Pairings: Later on.

Author's Note: Didn't get many reviews so far so I don't really know how this is going, but I figured I'd write some more and maybe answer a couple of questions. Maybe. Anyways, tell me what I can do to improve, in a nice way, by clicking the little REVIEW button at the bottom of the page.

**Sleep Deprivation and Self Discovery**

* * *

My first thought when I woke up was...I wonder if they even noticed that their light is missing. Of course that was quickly followed by, where the hell am I and why can't I move my body?

Luckily I didn't have to wait long for the answers to my questions since a silver-haired woman had wormed her way into my peripheral vision.

"It's good to have you back with us." She was smiling pleasantly enough but there was something about her that set me on edge. Maybe I just wasn't use to strange people being nice to me. Hell, I wasn't use to people that I knew being nice to me. Perhaps I needed more than just physical help. Of course there is no way that I was ever going to ask for it.

Unfortunately I wasn't given the chance to pry into my emotional misgivings at the moment because the silver-haired woman was speaking again.

"How are you feeling?" I had to think about that for a second. After I was done doing that I said the first thing that had come to my mind.

"Why can't I move?" She was frowning slightly now and I could tell that she was trying to come up with an answer that wasn't going to make me angry. Fat chance of that though. Lucky for her she didn't even have to come up with an answer because someone else was doing it for her.

"I can explain that." The voice was coming from behind me but due to my current lack of motion I couldn't very well identify the person attached to it. "Unfortunately we had to take precautions when you showed up on our doorstep. Storm here will be happy to release you though now that we haven't discovered that you don't seem to pose any inherent threat. That and your injuries will prevent you from doing much of anything for awhile."

The mention of my injuries only served to drudgeup the memories from the other night and I could practically feel the blades digging into my skin. And along with that fond memory came others. Ones like the one where I could feel the boots connecting with my jaw and the fists connecting with my back, the spit on my chin. Then their words came rushing back and I could feel the tearsas they formed onmy cheeks. I couldn't wipe them away though because all of my energy was suddenly focused on the water dripping from the sink.

I think it's probably the simplicity of it that drives me to focus on it, but right now it doesn't really matter. All I want is to make it stop.

The silver-haired woman, Storm I guess, is moving away from me. She seems to be moving in the direction of the disembodied voice from before. But Iam so focused on the feelings running through me that I can barely make out her voice as she whispers from behind me, "Professor? I think you should see this."

"Is she doing this?"

"I believe so."There is a pause for a second before, "No Storm, I wouldn't attempt to leave just yet. Give me a moment with her." The voice from beforeis moving closer to me and I can vaguely hear the sound of wheels scraping acrossthe floor before a man moves into my field of vision. He seems kind of foggy but heis staring at me rather intently so Iattmept to focus on him.

"Can you hear me?" Yeah I can hear him and since his voice is currently distracting me from far darker thoughts I grab onto it.

"Yes." Even to my own ears my voice sounds kind of flatbut raw.

"Good. Can you tell me your name?"

My name, yeah okay, thatis an easy one.

"It's Kris."

"Just Kris?"

"Yeah, just Kris."

"Do you go by any other names?"

Alright now thatis a harder one. I mean, of course I have another name, any respectable mutant does, but should I tell him it? No. Not just yet, not until I can make him understand. And for some reason Iknow that he will be the one to understand me when the time comes. But that time certainly isn't now when I am barely keeping it together.

"Yes, but I won't tell you." I can practically feel his sigh itis so heavy.

"Do you remember what happened to you? Who did this to you? Do you know what you are doing right this moment?"

Oh boy, now this was going to be a fun thing to explain.

"Yeah, I remember who did this to me." Iam starting to regain control of my mobility and I suddenly don't feel like lying down any more even if it means excruciating pain. So the first thing I do is lean forward. I almost vomit. But I seem to have built up enough steam to swing my legs sideways and that's exactly what Iam going to do.

Once I have accomplished that I take a good long look at the man who wants to know so much about me. And wouldn't you know it, heis sitting in a wheelchair.

"Who was it?" Heis looking at me with a mixture of frustration and questioning. It makes me feel small. I don't like feeling small, that's all I've ever felt.

"You mean they. Who were they? They were the only people I ever loved. The only people that I ever thought cared about me. My family, my friends!" My voice is filling with rage and hate but I can't seem to stop it. Every cut, every remembered word is burning inside me and I have to let it out, I have to put it into something else before it implodes from inside me.

My power is rising and I can feel the hairs on my arm standing on end. My skull is practically exploding with the sounds of their voices. All I can hear is "freak!" and "traitor!" and "abomination!" All I can feel is the knife that I gave my brother for his sixteenth birthday sliding in through my ribs. And something inside me seems to be folding and twisting and squeezing. And then suddenly it all just stops.

I can hear a gasp coming from beside me and a quiet "Oh my God" from the man in the wheelchair but I don't want to look. I don't want to see what I've done this time because all I can remember is what I did last time.

But I can't help myself. I have to see what I've done so that I can add it to my list of failures and freak show "talents."

And as my head turns and takes in the damages I know that I can't stay here. I can't put anyone else into the position to protect me from myself. I have to either fix my problem by myself or be destroyed. My family was right, I am an abomination. I should have let them kill me when they had the chance. Maybe then they wouldn't have...

Doesn't matter now though. All I know is that I have to get as far away from these people as possible because now that I know that they are willing to help me I can't stay and allow it. I was stupid to come here in the first place.

* * *

I can hear it when my voice breaks. "I have to go." I can feel it when my stitches rip. "I'm sorry I ever came here." I can even see it when his eyes darken.

"You're not going anywhere young lady." My muscles tense. Does he really think that he can keep me here? He has no idea that I don't have control of my powers. For all he knows I can squeeze him out of existence with a blink of my eyes.

"Actually, I know all of that and more. Now, sit down so Storm can fix your stitches and we can talk about your future."

* * *

I know that I must look like the biggest idiot in the world at this moment with my mouth hanging open and my blood dripping down my leg but I can't muster the energy to care.

All I can manage is a quiet "Okay" before my legs give out and I find myself staring at the ceiling again. Only this time I know where I am because I've just figured out who the man in the wheelchair is and how much trouble I am in.

"You're Charles Xavier, aren't you?" I have to ask because if I don't and he answers before I ask the question...well let's just say that I'm not quite ready for that again so soon.

"Yes, I'm Charles Xavier, and this is my school. I'm glad that you managed to make it here, though I'm deeply troubled by the state we found you in. And, if what you say is true and you're family did this to you, then I'm afraid that your progress in school will probably be hindered greatly. But don't worry because we will help you in any way that we can."

Of course being a teenager, all I really heard in all of that was the word school and so my first question has to be, "School? What do you mean school?" All I get in return is a smooth smile and a conciliatory pat on the shoulder from Storm.

"Well of course if you stay here you have to attend school. And since I'm not just going to allow you to leave, there isn't really anything to discuss now is there?"

It takes a moment for all of this to process and I decide to stay quiet while Storm fixes my stitches. Once she is finished she cleans up by the other sink and then goes to talk to Professor Xavier. I hear him whisper something about not "divulging my mutation to anyone" before she nods, gives me a smile, and then exits through a door on the far side of the room.

Just me and him now I guess.

"So how do you feel about starting school here?"

"I think you probably know how I feel don't you?"

I can hear him chuckling softly as he moves his wheelchair closer.

"I'm not an empath child, just a telepath. Just because I can read your thoughts doesn't mean I can decipher the emotions behind them. I can only guess, and since I don't think that is a very effective strategy I would rather just ask you to tell me."

That makes sense I guess. "I guess I don't really know how I feel. I mean, on the one hand, I feel like I should leave and try to never encounter a human being again, but on the other hand I have this craving to be a part of something."

"Good. Try and focus on the positive things."

I would laugh if I had the energy but it seems that all I can manage to do right now is lay back and try not to pass out.

"Why don't you try and get some more sleep and we will see about getting you settled into a real room sometime tomorrow, alright?"

I can hear his chair head towards the door and although my head is screaming at me to listen to the Professor's advice and "focus on the positive things" I know that I have to ask him one more question before he goes.

"Professor? How do you know that I won't destroy everything you've ever built? Everyone that you've ever cared about? I mean, I'm a complete stranger and you're just going to take me in and shelter me even though you know nothing about how I got here and where I'm from?" I pause for a second to stop myself from saying what I was going to say. But I thinkthat he picks up on my unsaid "What I've done" because he stops just before the doorway.

And even though I can't see his face I know how it must look. Contemplative.

He's quiet for a moment before he finally turns around to face me.

"I know because I have faith in anyone who would ask for help. I believe that you are not a bad person Kris. You are simply not trained to deal with the gift that you have been born with. But just remember, although you are powerful, that does not mean that your power is the only thing that you are. We shape our powers, our powers do not shape us."

And then he was gone. And I was left staring at the space where the sink use to be.

* * *

Author's Note: Alright, if there is any confusion just e-mail or private message me. But just remember that some of the confusion can only be explained in later chapters because I don't want to give too much away. 


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